Can't Remember What I Forgot
by burnyoutotheground
Summary: Some things are better left in the timeless void of memory... but for James, certain memories were better left forgotten. DISCONTINUED.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my very first fanfic her so please be easy on me. Constructive criticism is most welcomed. I'm the type who won't find satisfaction in my own writing and am always on the lookout for improvements. so yeah... **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Big Time Rush, James would be scarred for life. Why? Hehehe... *smirks* **

**On with the story!**

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><p>He could hear a chant coming from afar, but he couldn't make out what it was. He could also hear a conversation between two people on his left. He couldn't make out what they were saying either but from the tone, they sounded so… sad and lost. Everything sounded like he was underwater. As seconds ticked by the sounds became more coherent and he could finally understand that the two people to his left were talking about him. <em>Was he in a coma? For eight days? Who were they? If they seem to know who he was, why doesn't he recognize their voices? Who was he in the first place? Why doesn't he know that?<em> So many questions, yet no answers. He still couldn't make out the distant chant.

All this thinking and questioning was beginning to make his head pound. He wanted the pounding to just stop. It was like a million daggers were pounding simultaneously into the back of his head. Unfortunately for him, the pounding got worse. As badly as he wanted to move and stop the pain in his head, he couldn't. No matter how much force he exerted into trying to move himself, he just couldn't budge. All he could see was pitch black.

Suddenly he heard a voice, "I think I just saw his fingers twitch,"

He could sense some excitement and hope in that voice. As soon as that sentence was said he could hear the sound of shuffling, as if everyone around him was moving to face him such that all attention was focused on him. Even the chanting stopped.

"I hope he wakes up. I miss him. Eight days is long enough," he heard the voice again.

"I know, Carlos, I know. I miss him too." Came another voice, this time full of assurance and very calm.

_Carlos? Who is Carlos? To whom does the second voice belong?_ Again with the questions…

Finally, he decided he had had enough. He wanted answers, now. With all the strength left in him after trying to move for the past couple of minutes that he could muster up, he slowly opened his eyes. As soon as his eyes opened in slits and a hint of bright light attacked his partially exposed retinas, they immediately shut tight as he groaned at the pain. This, of course, was accompanied by a few gasps around him. Slowly, he reopened them, this time using less energy, as they seem to be a whole lot lighter.

The next thing he knew, he was engulfed in a big hug followed by a chorus of cheers and thankful laughter. Confused, annoyed and in pain, he froze, not really knowing what to do. He finally hissed in pain as he came back to his senses and the pounding in his head returned. The tight embrace was then loosened and the teenager finally let go of him.

"Sorry, did I hurt you? I was just so excited to finally see you again!" The teenager, or from what he heard, Carlos, exclaimed as a wide smile took on his entire face.

_Again?_ He thought. _When did I ever see him?_

"How's your head, buddy?" Another teenager asked as he pushed the first one off of the bed.

_Buddy? Do I know him? What happened to my head? Why does it hurt so bad?_ He internally asked himself again, as he subconsciously brought his right hand up to feel his head, only to end up hissing in pain as he soon realized it was in a cast.

"Whoa slow down there…" He says with a small smile while gently grabbing his right hand. "Don't move too much, you wouldn't wanna cause more pain to yourself.

"Who-" His sentence was cut short as he realized how hoarse his voice was. The teenager brought a glass of water and slowly tiled it into his mouth.

The teenager, predicting his friend's question, answered, "I'm Logan. Remember me? And this is Carlos." Gesturing to the said boy.

Looking at his friend's confused hazel orbs, he let out a defeated sigh, and looked away, muttering, "He doesn't."

"W-who am I?" The boy asked.

"You're James, and we're best friends!" came a response from the first boy, Carlos, was it? He looked so cheerful.

_James? So, my name is James, got it. _He thought again.

"Where am I? What happened?"

"You're in the hospital, silly. Well, you see, you and Kendall had an arg- OW!" Carlos wailed as Logan jabbed him in the middle. Or, was it the other way around?

"Look, ignore what he said. We'll talk about this later. Get some rest first, you look beat. I'm gonna get some food for him. I promise we'll be here when you wake up." The other one said as he patted James' shoulder, giving him a small assuring smile that of course, showed his dimples.

James nodded before he let out a yawn, only proving Logan right. Logan was about to leave when he felt a tug on his wrist. Logan turned around and his heart fell at the sight of his best friend looking so miserable and frail on the hospital bed.

"Who's Kendall?" James asked, pain evident in his voice as he tried to withstand the throbbing ache at the back of his head

Logan gave a small smile and replied, "He's another friend of yours. We're all so close, it's like we're brothers. The four of us." And with that, he left out the door, with Carlos in tow.

James repositioned himself such that he was a little more comfortable on the bed. He could've sworn he heard some sort of quiet sobbing coming from a corner the room. He finally dismissed it as some wild imagination as he waited for sleep to come.

James felt his eyelids become heavier as sleep slowly overcame him. His last thoughts before he succumbed to the darkness were _what happened to the chanting? And where is this Kendall that Logan had been talking about?_

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><p><strong>AN: Hope you enjoyed that. I'm still learning the ropes of since I'm new to this site. Please be easy on me, but not my reviews. The more the criticism, the merrier. I'm weird like that. :)**

**If i get 5 reviews I'll post the next chapter. :D**

**See ya!**

**xoxo, Sasha**_  
><em>


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! I asked for 5 and you guys gave me 6! I am **_**beyond**_** happy! Thanks so much! 2 of my favourite authors reviewed my work. I think I died. Lolz.. They're Elevate and PizzaTop21. Don't worry I love ALL of my reviewers! :D Anyways, this chapter took me a while to write. I wrote like 5 drafts and eventually settled on this one. I was gonna have this chapter revolve around Kendall but then I got stuck. And I got hit by writer's block multiple times writing this draft alone. Ok sorry for rambling…**

**A/N: Oh, and I forgot to mention, this takes place after Big Time Break Up. Probably even my version of Big Time Single. You'll see…**

**A/N: This chapter is what happened before James woke up.**

**... So ... many... author's notes... 0.0**

**Disclaimer: I don't, and never will, own Big Time Rush.**

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><p>It had been nine days since that fight between them. Nine days since James left the apartment looking angrier than before. Eight days since they found James all battered and bruised in that alley. Eight days since the doctor told them James was in a coma. Now, here he was, all alone in the corner of James' hospital room, knees hugged tightly to his chest, eyes red and puffy, cheeks tear-stained, the same old routine he had been doing when he was visiting James during visiting hours or when he was in his room when they weren't allowed to stay overnight.<p>

It was his entire fault. He should've known his priorities. If only he had realized this sooner, James wouldn't be in that stupid coma and he wouldn't be rocking himself back and forth chanting, "It was my fault. I was so stupid. It's just all my fault, I am to blame." in the corner.

Logan and Carlos have tried convincing him otherwise but gave up on the third day when he no longer responded to their attempts at comforting him. Its as if he was shutting everyone off. They have never seen him so distraught. This Kendall is not the Kendall Knight they knew. The Kendall Knight they knew would get a grip on himself and be the leader he is, keeping everyone else in tact.

Carlos stole a glance in Kendall's direction. His heart felt as though it was violently penetrated with a stake. It was bad enough he was losing James in the coma. Now, it feels as though he is losing Kendall too. A silent tear slid its way down his right cheek at the mere thought of this. This didn't go unnoticed by Logan, who was sitting on his right.

"Carlos, what's wrong?" Logan asked, instantly worried when his innocent friend began looking as if he might break down too.

"Why is Kendall so upset? Why can't he see that this wasn't his fault? Its bad enough we're losing James. We cant lose Kendall too..." Carlos asked, all traces of hope lost in his voice.

Logan's heart ached at the Latino's innocent remark. Slowly he took Carlos' palm into his hands, emitting a small sigh in the process.

"First off, we are not losing James. I know he's in there somewhere," Logan turned to face his unconscious friend. "Fighting, struggling to wake up. We all know James is a fighter. He _will_ win that battle and he _will_ wake up. Second, we are not losing Kendall too. I'm pretty sure he'll be back to normal when James wakes up. Plus, since he hasn't been responding to us, it probably meant that he doesn't want help. And-"

"But he needs help!" The young boy argued

"And we can't help him if he doesn't want it." Logan finished.

Carlos gave in.

"I just... want everything to be okay again..." he replied weakly.

Kendall heard his two friends' conversation. Did he really need help? How can this _not_ be his fault? After all, he _did_ cause the fight. He had never had a greater desire to go back in time and fix this than ever before. If only he could...

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><p>"Dude, what is the matter with you? We've tried everything we can to cheer you up. All you do is sit around the apartment all day feeling sorry for yourself. She's gone! Why can't you just accept that?" James finally decided to confront Kendall.<p>

Ever since Jo's departure to New Zealand, Kendall hadn't been himself. All of the guys had their turn trying to make Kendall feel better but all he does is sit in his room, surrounded by everything that could possibly remind him of her. That, however, didn't stop James from spilling his emotions out. If he had to do it through the door of Kendall's room, then so be it.

Kendall stood up from his bed and opened the door to his room. He too, had had enough of his friends constantly bugging him to take his mind off of Jo.

"Why can't I just accept that? Why can't you see how this is affecting me? Considering you're a player who's always on a bunch of dates that eventually end up in dumping the girl, i can see how you can't!" He retorted.

James was beyond shocked. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Kendall scoffed. "Look at yourself, 'the Pretty One'," he mocked, adding air hooks with his fingers for emphasis. "You always go on a bunch of dates and break their hearts just so you can uphold your reputation. You don't even respect a woman's feelings. Plus, you've never had a serious girlfriend so how would you know what a real break up feels like?"

James couldn't believe what he was hearing. Of all people, this was coming from Kendall, his best friend. He couldn't take it anymore. Without another word, he stormed off towards the door of the apartment, deciding to cool himself off before turning this little confrontation into a fight scene. He was, however stopped by Kendall as soon as he reached the living room.

"Where are you going, I'm not done with you!" Kendall exclaimed as he grabbed James' shoulders and spun him around.

Logan looked up from his book and Carlos stopped munching on his corndogs.

"What's going on?" Logan questioned when he sensed that something was wrong judging by the seriousness of James and Kendall's facial expressions.

James roughly shrugged off of Kendall's grip on his shoulder.

"Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe, just maybe, there's is a different reason to account for all those 'dumpings'? You know, besides the fact that i have a reputation to uphold? Huh?" James taunted as calmly as he could, though he knew his ragged breathing gave it away.

"Like what?"

"Wait, that's what this is about? Kendall just can't stand James getting more girls? Is that it?" Logan questioned, annoyed that this little argument had interrupted his reading. Carlos finally quit bothering him and turned to corndogs for entertainment and these two just _had_ to argue over something so unreasonable.

"Its more than that!" Kendall defended.

"Stay out of this!" James growled.

Both Carlos and Logan sat still. James turned his attention back to Kendall.

"I don't just break girls' hearts for fun. We stop going out because after every date, I realize that they don't actually like me for me. They just like me for how I look. How I have a reputation as the Ladies' Man." James explained, still holding back ragged breaths.

Kendall's face softened as he came to realize this. That sentence did hold some truth. However, being the hot-head that he is, he wasn't just about to let his friend step all over him and admit defeat. Not if he had anything to say about it. And he _did._

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you know what it's like to actually have your heart broken. You don't get it! You've never had your heart broken. All you care about is getting girls and that stupid hair of yours." Kendall remarked, earning an "oooooh' from Carlos as he smirked to himself, satisfied with his comeback.

James' facial expression changed from calm to furious. He took a step toward Kendall, closing the gap between them. He was so close to Kendall that their broad chests were almost touching. Right then, he felt slightly empowered because he managed to partly tower over Kendall due to his height. He was merely inches above Kendall but that still gave him some sort of power. He balled his hands into fists as he struggled to keep himself calm.

"You know what, this wasn't about me. It's about you. All this time, Logan, Carlos and I have been working our butts off trying to cheer you up from your miserable separation from Jo and what do you do? You push us away! You surround yourself with all the things that remind you of her all cooped up in your room! Well, you know what? I'm done with you. It seems to me that the more we try, the more you push us away. So why bother?"

Kendall just folded his arms across his chest and shook his head while rolling his eyes as James began ranting and venting his frustration out. This all the more added to James' frustration. He was flailing his arms trying to get his point across.

"We were just trying to be good friends, helping you out. But instead you just _had_ to be a big baby and feel sorry for yourself. Where's the Kendall we all knew and loved? Where's the guy who _never _fails to solve all the problems with his devious plans? Who is this new guy who sits around feeling sorry for himself? Who is this new guy who's always talking so negatively? Who?" James bellowed.

His face was scrunched up in anger and beads of sweat were beginning to form. He tried to keep his breathing as calm as possible. He could feel some sort of comfort after finally letting it all out. He was somewhat panting as he awaited Kendall's response. His hazel orbs were searching Kendall's green ones for answers. Answers to the question he just asked.

Kendall, on the other hand, was half shocked and half impressed. For one, he had never seen James so angry. His face was fuming red and Kendall had to admit, he _was _somewhat terrified of James. He was also impressed because of how James was trying his best to keep himself calm. That, and the way he stood up to Kendall.

Back to James' question, Kendall couldn't answer him. All he could manage was to just stand there, pondering over James' question.

James shook his head in disappointment. He took a few steps backwards as he muttered, "What happened to the Kendall I knew?"

It was loud enough for everyone in the room to hear it. With that, he left out the door, slamming it shut for dramatic emphasis.

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><p>Kendall winced at the memory. Just the thought of the argument alone made him realize how selfish he had been. He should've let his friends in. But the damage was done. Kendall can't help but cling onto James' last words… <em>What happened to the Kendall I knew?<em>

Was that really how his friends, or James for that matter, saw him? Had he really changed? A new Kendall? Had he really changed? Kendall kept pondering over James' last question. What was it about him that changed? He hadn't even noticed that he had changed. That was it. He had to stop thinking like this. He just had to.

As he came back to reality, he realized how quiet the room had been, aside the beeping notifying them that James was very much alive. That and his continuous chanting. Right now, that beeping was music to his ears.

"Of all people, why James?" Carlos finally broke the silence.

Logan just looked at his younger friend. He could see his chocolate eyes shimmering with sorrow. There were tears he was holding back, tears that were threatening to pour any minute.

"I don't know. Maybe this was just God's way of testing us how strong we really are." He replied solemnly, looking down at his hands that were intertwined.

"But he doesn't deserve to be in a coma for eight days. What did he ever do to deserve this? Who did this to him?"

"I don't know. All I know is that he left the apartment after that fight and we found him in the alley the next morning."

"He looks so broken…"

Logan just nodded solemnly. They just sat in silence, apart Kendall's chanting in the corner, for a few more moments until Carlos broke it once more. This time, it came with a miracle. So miraculous, that even Kendall stopped his chanting. It was the miracle they had hoped for.

"I think I just saw his fingers twitch."

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><p><strong>AN: So how was that? Not too bad right? Please review!**

**xoxo, Sasha**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Since all of my reviewers are so nice, I'm gonna do something nice for my them too! Shoutout to those who reviewed C1 & 2! I love these people so much!**

**Chapter 1:**

Jamie-Loves-BTR

Magiccatprincess

Milkamoo97

Alley Petifier

SPECIAL SHOUTOUTS to my favourite authors:

Elevate

PizzaTop21

**Chapter 2:**

Elevate

PizzaTop21

bigtimerangergirl123

BigTimeGleekBTR

**A/N: I also realized that I haven't mentioned James' injuries so I'll try to put them in this chap.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush or anything you may recognize.**

…**Whoa, that sounded so professional… O.o**

**Story time!**

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><p>He could hardly believe it. After eight days of crying, the one miracle he needed finally came to him. Even though it was merely a twitch of James' fingers, it was a small ray of hope to the possibilty of James waking up. He couldnt be more thankful.<p>

"I hope he wakes up. I miss him. Eight days is long enough," Carlos commented.

His voice was so full of hope and confusion that his heart was constricting painfully just hearing it. To a stranger, that may seem to be a comment a ten-year-old would make. But to Kendall, it meant so much more. Eight days _are_ enough. Heck, it was more than enough. Kendall wanted James to wake up so badly. He was _yearning_ to see his friend conscious. He hated the fact that the last memory James had of him was that he barely knew him anymore.

"I know, Carlos, I know. I miss him too." Logan's voice echoed through the hospital room, bringing kendall out of his train of thoughts.

"I miss him too," he muttered quietly to himself.

A gasp from Carlos and Logan quickly sent his heart beating a thousand times faster. Did something happen to James? Did he die? Surely he couldnt die, his heart rate monitor was still beeping. But what happened?

"You're finally awake! I miss you so much!" He could hear Carlos exclaim, all traces of joy and excitement evident in his voice.

Tears of joy were escaping Kendall's eyes uncontrollably. It was another miracle. He couldn't even describe the feeling. It was like he was dreaming; he was finally able to hear his voice after waiting guiltily for eight days. That moment of happiness was, however, cut short when Logan asked the injured boy a question. It wasnt just any question. It was the sole question that could make Kendall guiltier than before.

"I'm logan. Remember me? And this is carlos."

He could he have forgotten? The doctor did mention the possibilty of James having amnesia when he wakes up. Causing it was one thing, but forgetting about it? Kendall felt so miserable. He felt like he deserved to die right then and there. _That should've been me_ he thought. James didn't deserve that, he did. Especially since he caused all of this.

"W-who am i?" Came James' voice.

If not for how confused and lost James sounded, and how that question made him a thousand times guiltier, kendall would have jumped for joy. He finally heard James' voice again. But he couldn't. Not after what happened. James couldn't even remember who he was. He could vaguely hear Logan announcing to get some food with Carlos.

This was his chance. He could finally talk to his friend and make things right.

"Who's Kendall?" His heart officially cracked into a million tiny pieces. So tiny that it would take a miracle to fix. It was beyond repair. He couldn't help but let tears flood down his cheeks. Kendall Knight _never_ cried. But right now he wasn't kendall knight. James was right. He _had_ changed. That brought even more tears. At first, he was merely silently crying. But that quickly turned into sobbing. He tried to control his sobbing and managed to tune it down, remembering how Logan said James needed his rest. _There's always another time to talk to him_ he reminded himself.

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><p>"I cant believe James is finally awake!" Carlos exclaimed as both Logan and him made their way to the canteen.<p>

Logan smiled fondly at his goofy friend. He was so relieved to hear that cheerful tone he so desperately missed. But not as relieved as when he realized Kendall had stopped his chanting when Carlos announced that James had woken up minutes ago. That actually meant that he _had _been paying attention. He heard _everything_. Wasn't that good, though? Then why was he worrying?

"Aren't you happy? Why aren't you saying anything?" Carlos asked worriedly, interrupting his train of thoughts.

"I am, Carlos. I was just thinking about Kendall…"

"What about him?"

"Didn't you notice? He seemed like he snapped out of his world when he heard James had woken up." Logan replied as he sat at the long rectangular table.

"I cant help but feel like something is _off._ He wouldn't so much as respond to us when we were comforting him. How could he just snap out of his trance so suddenly? Don't you find it weird?" He resumed, taking Carlos' silence as permission to continue.

"Logan," Carlos took both of Logan's wrists in his hands. "It's like what you told me. Maybe James waking up was all he needed to get back to being himself."

Logan looked into Carlos' warm brown eyes. He was sincerely speaking.

"Thanks, Carlos." He mumbled into the Latino's chest as he was pulled into a tight embrace.

"So, what do you wanna eat?" Logan asked after finally being released from the hug.

Carlos always knew how to cheer him up.

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><p>Seeing how James wouldn't be waking up anytime soon, Logan and Carlos decided to take a tour of the hospital. Logan couldn't care less how the hospital looked like but he wanted to please his younger friend so he finally caved in. He had to admit though, it benefitted him in a way. He finally got to see doctors rushing in out doing their duties. This all the more made him want to be just like them. He had always admired how doctors made other people feel better. The idea of being able to help many people while doing what he loves made him smile to himself.<p>

"What's that smile for?" Carlos teased as they made thier way back to James' room.

"I finally get to see doctors in action, right in front of my eyes. I've always wanted to be a doctor and seeing how they work right before me just makes me wanna be like them." Logan explained while he turned the doorknob to his friend's room.

"I get to actually help people, while doing what I love-" He interrupted himself as soon as he saw what was in James' hospital room.

There, sitting in the visitor's plastic chair, smiling widely, chuckling, and joking off, was _Kendall_. The Kendall that had been so quiet and busy blaming himself in the corner of the room. The Kendall that looked so broken ever since they found out that James was in a coma. His smile and his laughter... They were such sweet melody to Logan's ears. It was all so _genuine_. Logan couldn't be happier when he saw how happy and care-free his friend was. But he was dead wrong. For there, on the hospital bed, laughing along so hard he was clutching his abdomen, was James. Both boys were laughing so hard that they hadn't even noticed his and Carlos' presence. This automatically brought the biggest smile on his face. Seeing both his injured and distraught friends being so genuinely happy was the best feeling. It was as if he was on cloud nine.

Carlos, who managed to get a glimpse of the scene in the hospital room because of how logan was blocking the entire doorway, was smiling broadly. Even though he didnt see much of what was happening, hearing his best friends' laughter was too good to be true. He could already sense that the happiness in their voices was _real_. He could hear Kendall telling James stories of their adventures back in Minnesota. He was so touched watching the Kendall he knew slowly returning to them. Logan was right, James waking up was what could bring back the Kendall they almost lost. Without him even realising it, tears of pure happiness were pouring out of his eyes.

James and Kendall instantly looked up at the sound of Carlos sniffing. Entering the room behind Logan, Carlos tried his best to hide the fact that he had been crying. He closely followed behind Logan to hide himself while he hastily dried his eyes.

"What were you guys talking and/or laughing about?" Logan asked after he took his seat on James' bed.

Kendall smiled that genuine smile Logan had come to love, showing off his dimples.

"I was just telling him how we used to push trolleys into their stand at my workplace back in Minnesota." He chuckled. "And how Carlos broke his wrist doing that stunt"

"Oh-ho that," Logan laughed at the memory. "Those were good times."

"In my defense, it was totally worth it." Carlos argued, smirking at how he got to boss his friends around that day while they took care of him.

Kendall and Logan just shook their heads.

"So, you guys got anymore stories? They sound so interesti-" James was interrupted by a nurse opening the door.

"Boys, im sorry but im afraid its time for you to leave. Visiting hours are over and he needs his rest." The nurse told them in a caln and gentle voice.

She looked about 25. Her blonde hair was nicely done up in a bun and she looked to be around the height of Carlos. Her thin lips form a small smile as she waited for the boys to make their move.

Hesitantly, they got up and said their goodbyes. They shuffled past the kind nurse, who held the door for them as she made sure they didnt stay overnight.

"Get some sleep, hun. They'll be back tomorrow morning, I promise." she assured, her smile still in place.

She was about to close the door when James asked for her name.

"Its Emma." She replied, her voice sweet as ever.

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><p>James couldnt bring himself to sleep. His eyes were feeling slightly heavy but he refused to sleep. He had too much on his mind to go to sleep. What the doctor told him when he woke up the second time kept haunting him. Hairline fracture? A broken ankle? And RA? What the heck happened to him? His mind went back to when he woke up the second time that day.<p>

.

.

.

_When he opened his eyes, he saw a man examining some charts and doing doctoral stuff. His yawn caught the man's attention and he smiled as he began talking._

_"Good, you're finally awake. As you know, you were in a coma for approximately eight days. I'm Doctor Falcon, and I'll be your doctor while you're staying here. Well, you got some damage done there, son. You have a hairline fracture on your right forearm, a_ _Posterior Malleolus Fracture on your ankle and some head damage. Let me explain your head damage, first."_

_"Okay," James replied simply. He was still quite groggy._

_"When you first came in here, your head was a mess. From what we have been seeing, you could very well be suffering from amnesia. It is when someone loses their memory. To confirm this hypothesis, I'm going to have to ask you some general questions. Is that alright?" The doctor began._

_At the mere nod of James' head, he began the rounds of questions._

_"Can you tell me your birthday?"_

_There was a moment of silence before James spoke._

_"I-I cant remember," he replied shakily._

_"Just relax buddy, they're just questions. Now, can you tell me about your occupation?"_

_"I-it's... I d-dont know," he replied, clearly shaking even more._

_"Alright, last one." Doctor Falcon assured. "What's your last name?"_

_"I don't know, I just don't! I don't remember anything!" James exclaimed, frustrated by all the questions. He wasn't frustrated at Doctor Falcon for asking, he was frustrated with the fact that he couldn't answer them._

_"Easy there. Its okay. You don't have to know eveything. But I'm afraid I have some bad news." Doctor Herbert hung his head, upset that he had no good news to share. "I'm afraid you have Retrograde Amnesia, also known as RA."_

_Kendall looked up from his spot in the corner._

_"And based on your answers, the degree of damage is really high. You may have even forgotten who you are." He continued in heartbreaking tone._

_"What about my other injuries?" His voice was cracking so much it was bearly audible._

_"Well, your ankle was also hit pretty bad. It was broken and it's what we call the Posterior Malleolus Fracture. It is a fracture of the back of the Tibia, or your shin bone, at the level of the ankle joint." He explained while gesturing to James' X-ray scans._

_Kendall got more intrigued to listen._

_"Fortunately for you, the fracture wasn't out of place and your ankle is still stable. Therefore, no surgery will be required for it to heal." He took on a happier tone, relieved to be able to deliver some good news._

_Finally, a good news. Kendall was full-on smiling._

_"Your forearm should be fine. It had only suffered a minor fracture. Its only a matter of time before it heals. Right now, its in a cast to help it heal." he assured the finally happy boy._

_"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some other patients to attend to. Don't hesitate to push that call button if you need help with anything." Doctor Falcon announced before making his exit._

_._

_._

_._

His eyelids felt droopier but he still had one more thing on mind. Or rather three.

Kendall. Logan. And of course, Carlos.

Could he trust them? Were they really his best friends? Sure, they seem concerned about his well-being when he woke up. Kendall had been there after the doctor left. James chuckled at how over-protective Kendall was being. He wouldn't even let him move without asking if anything was painful for him. James finally managed to get him to stop worrying by asking him to tell him some stories from his past.

Back to the matter at hand. How could he trust them? For all he knew, they were just pretending. He had literally just met them and they claim to know a lot about him. He couldnt decide whether to teust then or not.

_Well the fact that they came to see you shows their genuine concern _came his conscience.

_But you don't even know them_ the devil retaliated.

_Didn't you hear... carlos, was it? He sounded so worried. They had been waiting for eight days for you to wake up a_rgued the angel.

The argument stopped there as the pain medication given to him earlier begin to wear off and he could feel the throbbing at the back of his head slowly returning. _Hopefully, I'll regain my memory _he thought as he went into a peaceful slumber, deciding to sleep it off.

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><p><strong>Ok I have some questions for you guys.<strong>

**1: Do you think that I lack in description? Looking back at C1 & C2, I feel like I could have described a wee bit more.**

**2: I find myself getting struck by writer's block a lot lately. For the experienced writers, any tips? I could really use one or two.**

**3****: This is the most important question of all…**

… **Review?**

**xoxo, Sasha :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey! Thanks for the reviews! As always, shoutouts to those who reviewed on my last chapter!**

**Shoutout to:**

Elevate  
>bigtimerangergirl123<br>Magiccatprincess  
>Scarlet<br>Ameera Maslow  
>PizzaTop21<p>

**Love you guys so much!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything here, except for the plot.**

* * *

><p>The door to apartment 2J was opened, revealing three sleep-deprived teens. Slowly, the three boys trudge to their respecrive rooms. This time, unlike the previous seven nights, the boys dozed off the minute their heads made contact with their pillows. After seeing their friend miraculously waking up from that eight-day coma, they finally realized how much sleep they needed. And they could finally get some peaceful rest.<p>

Kendall layed awake in his bed as he gazed at the ceiling, still very much convinced that he was to blame for everything that happened. He glanced over at the clock on his bedroom wall. He could clearly see its numbers due to the fact that it was almost sunrise and it was bright enough for him to see. It was 5:43 in the morning and he couldn't go back to sleep after waking up at 3. Almost two more hours till visiting hours started again. He let out a long sigh that included puffing his cheeks.

He had been thinking of how he could solve everyrhing at the moment. His relationship with James, his relationship with Carlos and Logan and most importantly, James' relationship with the three of them. With amnesia clouding James' mind, there's no telling what could happen.

_What happened to the Kendall i knew?_That sentence rang through his mind.

Kendall thought back to what james countered during their argument.

"You push us away! You surround yourself with all the things that remind you of her all cooped up in your room!"

He didn't even realised that he had been isolating himself from his friends. Did he really spend that much time in his room? He couldnt help it. He missed her so dearly and their busy schedules kept them from even sending messages on Facebook. Maybe he shouldn't have thought too much about her. Having no previous experience to look on made it all the more harder for Kendall to deal with his heartbreak. Jo was his first serious girlfriend. Sure, he'd been on dozens of dates but they never ended up in a serious relationship. Kendall felt conflicted. On one hand, he did push his friends away. But on the other, he didn't know how to deal with breakups.

"Where's the Kendall we all knew and loved? Where's the guy who never fails to solve all the problems with his devious plans?"

It then dawned upon him how they hadn't pulled a hockey-related stunt in the lobby, or how they haven't had one of their famous fire-pit jam sessions at the pool in _weeks_. He finally saw what James meant. He remembers all the fun they had scheming plans to get a swirly slide in the apartment, getting to perform on live TV and also chimp-napping Lolo. He never knew that all it took was a girl to break the bond that they had.

Well, if he never failed to solve problems, then this shouldn't be any different, right? But what's done cannot be undone. Kendall decided right then and there that no matter what, he would do whatever it took to fix this.

"Who is this new guy who sits around feeling sorry for himself? Who is this new guy who's always talking so negatively? Who?"

_I don't know who he is, but he's not staying here any longer,_Kendall smiled proudly to himself, he finally felt so strong.

He could literally feel a new force overcoming him. No, it wasn't new, it wasn't overcoming him. It was _familiar_ and it was _returning _to him. The old Kendall Knight was back. Feeling like the leader once again, Kendall felt the need to solve this. First things first, he needed to help James regain his memory. He vaguely recalled Doctor Falcon mentioning something about Retrograde Amnesia.

Kendall leapt up from his bed and took his laptop out to the kitchen. After impatiently waiting for his laptop to start up, he opened his internet browser and typed "Retrograde Amnesia" in the Wikipedia homepage. He tapped his fingers rhythmatically on the dining table as he waited for the page to load. Kendall was _never_ the one to study about the medical industry, but he was willing to do anything to aid his friend on the road to recovery.

* * *

><p>"Why aren't you sleeping?" A groggy Logan asked before letting out a yawn.<p>

"I couldn't sleep," Kendall said simply.

"Kendall, we gotta talk." Logan said awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck.

"Is this about James?" Kendall asked, barely looking up from the computer screen.

"Actually, no. It's about you-"

"Then it's not important."

"Yes, it is." Logan took a seat across Kendall. "I know you're worried about James. We all are. But you've gotta stop blaming everything on yourself. I know you feel guilty about what happened but it's not your fault. I don't know how else to stress this to you. I know we've talked about this before but-"

"Then why are we talking about it again?" Kendall questioned bluntly, eyes never leaving the computer screen.

That drew the line for Logan. Here he was, trying to talk things out and Kendall is just being ridiculous. First, he pushed them away after Jo left. Then he fought with James. Then he ignored all his and Carlos' attempts at comforting him in the hospital Then he acted like everything was fine again when James woke up. But now, suddenly, he's giving him the cold shoulder? It's like the only way to get him to talk was to get injured. Just like _James._

"Look, Kendall, i don't know what your deal is," he stood up with so much force that the chair he sat on was pushed nearly an arm's length away, facing a very inattentive Kendall. "But all this pushing away has got to stop!" He slammed the laptop shut, barely missing Kendall's fingers that instinctively pulled away at the last second.

"Hey, I was using that!" Kendall hollered.

"I'm not done yet! Now shut up and listen to me!" He pointed at Kendall and then his chest. Kendall just sat there, unable to react.

"all this time, all you've done is push us away. Why won't you let us in? You pushed us away when we tried to cheer you up after that break up. You pushed us again when we tried comforting you at that hospital. Then suddenly you were all smiles and laughing when James got up. And now, back at the apartment, you're giving me an attitude? What in the world is going on, Kendall?" Logan was very straightforward with his confrontation.

His face was red and he was breathing heavily as he tried to catch his breath after that rant. His hands were balled in fists by his side.

"What's with all the yelling?" Carlos asked as he made his way into the kitchen. "And why is Kendall crying? Kendall? What's wrong?" He was suddenly wide awake.

Logan turned his attention back to Kendall and sure enough, tears were dripping down to his chin. His expression instantly softened as he realized that he might have been too harsh on him. Logan was about to apologized when Kendall abruptly stood up.

"I'm sorry, okay? But this few weeks have been nothing but torture for me! You have no idea how much I'm going through! First Jo left me then James got mad at me then we almost lost him! Now he doesn't even know who he is anymore and now you're mad at me too!" Kendall cried. He sounded so hopeless. So desperate. So... _guilty._

Logan sighed. "I'm not mad at you. I just don't understand why you keep bottling everything up. Don't you trust us? You know you can tell us anything, right?" He explained, taking a much calmer tone.

Carlos didn't know what to say or do. So, he did what he does best. He leapt toward Kendall and put his arms around his crying friend, giving him one of his famous Carlos Hugs. Kendall immediately hugged back and was full-on sobbing into the crook of Carlos' neck. His entire frame shook violently with heartbreaking sobs. Before he knew it, another pair of arms grabbed his exposed back tightly. in the three-way brotherly embrace, Kendall's walls finally broke down. Of all places, Kendall was glad he was breaking down in his best friends' arms. The boys stayed in that position for a few more minutes. Carlos and Logan took turns whispering nothingness to comfort their distraught friend.

"Thanks guys. I guess Jo leaving really did change me. I never meant to isolate myself from you guys. I admit that I may be egoistic at times. I thought that by keeping to myself, I could solve everything. It gave me time to think when I'm alone. But I guess that only made things worse." Kendall sniffed.

"It's okay, we forgive you." Carlos assured, with Logan nodding in agreement.

"And don't worry, because Kendall Knight is _back_!" Kendall said with determination.

"That's good to know," Logan chuckled. "So what have you been doing on that laptop?" Logan asked, gesturing to the said item.

"About that..." Kendall fidgeted.

* * *

><p>Carlos looked at himself in the mirror. Kendall's words kept haunting his mind while he took his shower minutes ago. Setting his toothbrush on the sink, he took another look at his reflection.<p>

_James has Retrograde Amnesia. His doctor said that the degree of damage is really high. __From what I have been reading, he has no recollection of anything from his past._

"Retrograde Amnesia," he said to no one in particular. He could hardly believe it. But saying it aloud made it so much more real. Sure, he may not know what that meant but judging from Kendall's tone, it sounded pretty serious.

_He can't remember anything about himself, or everything else_ came Kendall's words again.

Carlos snapped his fingers as an idea struck him. Maybe, just maybe, something from his past could help him remember. Carlos raced to his James' room. As James' roommate, only he knew where James hid his valuable things. Carlos opened James' wardrobe and opened the secret compartment underneath all the clothes. There, stood the one thing that could help James remember.

He picked it up slowly and wrapped it in a couple of tissue paper to keep it safe and clean before stuffing it in the pocket of his hoodie. He smiled in satisfaction.

* * *

><p>"Hey, James... You awake?"<p>

James felt a couple of jabs on his left upper arm. Whoever it was who was poking him needed to stop.

"Carlos, don't wake him up. He needs his sleep!" hissed a voice that sounded like Logan.

"But he literally slept for like eight days..." Carlos whined.

The poking finally stopped. Just as he was about to drift into slumberland, he felt some warmth near his face. Curious, he slowly opened his eyes. What greeted him almost gave him a heart attack. Merely inches away from his face was Carlos'. Startled, he screamed his infamous high-pitched shrill. This, of course, threw Kendall and Logan into a fit of laughter. Carlos just smiled goofily as he got up and sat at the edge of James' bed. Clutching his chest with his good hand, James dramatically breathed heavily saying how Carlos nearly killed him. This only made Kendall and Logan double over, laughing harder.

Finally, after the laughter died down, Carlos spoke up.

"Hey, I have a surprise for you!"

All three of his best friends looked up in anticipation, _especially _James.

"Here!" Carlos took out the bundle of tissue paper and handed it to James.

"Tissue paper?" James asked lamely.

"Unwrap it." Carlos said, eager to see his friend's reaction.

Kendall and Logan gasped at the sight of James' Lucky Comb.

"A comb? Really?"

"James, _that_ is your lucky comb. Your most _prized possession_." Kendall explained.

"Oh." James replied.

He picked it up and stared intently at it, observing every inch of it. On the spine of the comb, embossed in gold, were three words: _James Isaac Diamond_. James ran his index finger over the letters, feeling the rough texture created by the carvings.

"James Isaac Diamond," he muttered.

"Yep, that's your full name." Logan said with a smile.`

"James Isaac... _Diamond?_" James asked, stressing on the last word, more to himself.

And then it happened. He remembered buying the piece of plastic in a convenient store. he remembered talking to it and calling it his Lucky Comb.

James ran his thumb over the teeth of the comb, flicking them as he went from one end to the other. The high-pitched sound it produced... was _music to his ears_. He closed his eyes as the sweet melody brought back some more memories of his Lucky Comb.

"James, are you okay?" came Kendall's worried voice.

"Lucky comb..." he muttered as if in a trance.

Suddenly, James seem to snap out of it. He gripped the comb in his left hand and brought it to his chest. looking up, he saw his three friends exchanging worried looks.

"I'm fine, don't worry." he assured. His friends calmed down at this.

"But this comb," he held it up, amazingly admiring it. "It really is lucky! I-I remember now! But I only got back some of my memory. i still don't remember you guys." He was excited until he came to the last part.

"We'll work on that. It's okay, we're not mad at you." Logan gave a small smile.

"Tell us what you remember!" Kendall and Carlos exclaimed simultaneously.

James went to describe how he remembered buying that comb, had his name carved into it and how he always ran it through his hair for good luck. Then, he _used_ it. He used it for the first time since he woke up from the coma. The sensation he felt through his hair was _indescribable, _at least to him. This move made even _more_ progress. He remembered the several occasions he had done the said gesture. The hockey try-outs, the drive to that audition, his first musical.

He went to explain more of his progress as he cradled the comb to his chest. His friends were listening intently and in awe as they gathered around him. Even he couldn't believe it.

That comb really is _lucky._

* * *

><p><strong>Finally! An update! Sorry it took a while. As some of you may know, I got writer's block. Soooo yeah... I met some really cool authors here on FF! Thanks for the tips on dealing with writer's block! You know who you are!<strong>

**Ok, quick question: Notice how Katie, Mrs Knight, Gustavo and Kelly aren't in this story? Well, they aren't. I don't know what happened to them but they're not here. If I decide to put them in this story, they'll appear here sooner or later.**

**Heads up: Chapter 5 may take a while.**

**I think I'm done!**

**xoxo, Sasha.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Okay all the medical stuff in this chapter... If it's true, it's true. If it's fake, it's made up. Hey, it's fanFICTION. Plus I was too lazy to do a research.**

**Anyways sorry for the slow update. I lost inspiration for this story and kinda forgot about it for a while. Plus I'm a procrastinator. Look it up.**

**Shoutouts to those who reviewed last chapter!  
><strong>Elevate  
>sasukemyemo394<br>PizzaTop21  
>Alley Petifier<br>BigTimeGleekBTR  
>CountryPeach05<br>Magiccatprincess  
>Bigtimerangergirl123<p>

**Disclaimer: I own Big Time Rush. And a pony. And a singing cheese-waffle. NOT.**

* * *

><p>Kendall propped his elbows on his knees as he hid his face in his hands. He ran both hands through his blonde locks before glancing around the room. Carlos is sprawled out on the floor drooling away while Logan was resting his head atop his right forearm on the side of James' bed. James, on the other hand, had fallen asleep with his face tilted towards Logan after talking so much about his lucky comb. Kendall smiled as he remembered how happy and excited his friend had been as he told the adventures he had with that comb.<p>

Miracle after miracle came and Kendall couldn't be more thankful. From his fingers twitching to him waking up to him talking and now regaining his memory? Kendall looked up to face the ceiling. But that wasn't what he was looking at. Silently crying tears of joy, he thanked his lucky stars. He didn't deserve those miracles after the way he treated his friends but James needed it, and that's why he was thankful.

Logan began to stir, bringing Kendall out of his thoughts as he quickly wiped away his tears with his sleeve. Hearing someone sniffing instantly got Logan sitting ramrod straight, looking around the room to find out who was crying. He was a little surprised to see Kendall trying to wipe off tears from his eyes.

"Kendall?"

The boy in question let out a little noise to acknowledge that he was attentive whilst still trying to pull on a happy face. Despite his best attempts, Logan could see that he had been crying.

"What's wrong?" Logan inquired innocently.

"It's nothing. I was just thinking how miracle after miracle came. Though I don't deserve it, James does. And I couldn't be more grateful." Kendall spoke as Logan took his seat beside Kendall on the floor.

"Kendall, we've been through this. Not everything is your fault. Things happen for a reason. If this had to happen, I'm sure there's a blessing in disguise somewhere. Just because you're the leader of our group, it doesn't mean you have to take responsibility for everything that happens to us. Sometimes you just can't control these things. Right now, all that really matters is that we have to stick together and take small steps together. Because when we're together, and one of us breaks, the others will be there. Okay?" Logan encouraged.

Kendall nodded slowly as Logan rubbed comforting circles on his arm. Logan turned to look at a resting James, smiling in his sleep. This, without a doubt, brought a smile on Logan's face.

"Look at him. He's resting so peacefully." Logan commented as Kendall brought his head up.

"Who knew that comb had so much luck?" Kendall chuckled slightly.

"I know. What confuses me is that between the three of us, _Carlos_ was the one who thought of bringing it. I mean, it would've made more sense if it was you or me but Carlos?" Logan scoffed playfully.

"I know, but let him have his moment. This rarely happens so let him enjoy it while it lasts." Kendall joked as he looked at the said young Latino on the floor.

"Hey! Why don't we each bring James' favourite stuff everytime we visit? Maybe those will bring back more of his memory!" Kendall announced.

Logan's eyes snapped open. "Good call!"

Kendall and Logan exchanged high-fives as they celebrated Kendall's ingenious plan.

"Lucky... comb..." slurred a sleeping James.

* * *

><p>Since visiting hours were over, Kendall, Carlos and Logan were forced to once again retreat to apartment 2J.<p>

"I'll go make us some dinner," Kendall volunteered, making a mental note to make corndogs for Carlos.

Logan and Carlos made their way to the couch to relax after that long day. As soon as James woke up, Carlos wouldn't stop telling James more stories. He started getting sleepy so he drank some coffee and... well, let's just say he won't be having coffee for a while more.

Logan never knew Carlos had so much energy. Having to deal with him without coffee around the apartment was enough but Carlos, coffee and hospital in one equation was _torture_. His arms were still sore from wrestling and tackling Carlos.

They both settled to watch some Spongebob while waiting for Kendall. More minutes passed before Kendall announced that their spaghetti and corndogs were ready.

"Hey Carlos, guess what?" Logan said, gaining attention from a corndog-gobbling latino. "Me and Kendall have decided to bring more of James' stuff tomorrow when we visit him."

"Haw-kayh," Carlos shrugged.

"Which reminds me," Kendall spoke, placing his fork down. "Carlos, what made you want to bring James' Lucky Comb?"

"And how'd you know where it was?" Logan chimed in.

"Werh, hai wash hing the-" (well, I was in the-) Carlos began, only to be interrupted by Logan.

"Dude, finish your food first." Logan warned.

Carlos swallowed his food with a pout before he began speaking again.

"Well, I was in the toilet thinking about what Kendall said about James' amnesia. Then I thought maybe something from his past and something so close to him would help. So I thought maybe his Lucky Comb would work. And I know where it is because I'm his roommate." Carlos said simply.

"Oh," was all Kendall and Logan could say.

The rest of the dinner was awkwardly silent, besides the sounds Carlos made as he munched on his corndogs.

* * *

><p>"Morning, sleeping beauty!" Kendall greeted jokingly as soon as James woke up.<p>

"Wha...?" Said boy asked groggily.

"Look at what I got ya!" Kendall tossed a piece of clothing onto James' chest. "It's your lucky white v-neck!"

"It is?" James asked curiously.

He picked it up and and held it up as he looked at the plain pattern on the clothing. James just stared at it, waiting for more memories to come back.

"Well?" Carlos asked, a little impatient.

James looked up with a blank expression on his face. He himself was confused as to why he isn't remembering anything. James shrugged. Frustrated and confused, Kendall snatched the clothing from James and looked at it. His face lit up when an idea struck him.

"Put your arms up." James just stared in bewilderment. "Just do it."

Hesitantly, James lifted his right arm carefully and then his left. Kendall quickly put the v-neck on his friend and helped him wear it. Logan pretty much caught on and went to help out. After some moments, James was dressed. He just sat there, not knowing what to do while his friends eagerly stared at him.

"Nothing?" Carlos asked and James just shook his head no. "Try this! It's your mirror!" Carlos placed the black handheld mirror on James' lap. He would've tossed it but he didn't want to risk seven years of bad luck.

James picked it up and stared in his reflection. Logan, Kendall and Carlos once again waited for a reaction from their friend. This time, they _got it_. James' head snapped back up and he was _beaming_.

"I remember it! I remember how you," he pointed at Logan, "ruined this v-neck with some fruit-water when we were in that studio!" Logan seemed guilty.

"A-and I remember wearing it at every school play and every hockey game! And this mirror! I remember getting it as a present from a lady!"

"Your mum?" Carlos asked

"Maybe," James shrugged.

"Your... _mum_?" Kendall asked weakly. He turned to face a confused Logan who caught on quickly.

"We forgot to call his mum? Oh no..." Logan panicked.

"And mine!" Kendall added.

"Oh, we are so doomed!" Carlos yelled.

"OK, I'll go outside to make the calls while you guys stay in here and help him remember." Kendall instructed before dashing out.

There was a moment of awkward silence. Carlos just stood there, rubbing the back of his neck while Logan rocked himself on his feet with both hands in his pockets.

"What's wrong with my mum? And his?"James asked, still trying to catch what was going on.

"Well, we live here in LA with his mum and sister. His mum is our legal guardian. Your mum is in Minnesota, where we came from." Logan explained awkwardly.

"Oh," was all James could say.

They sat in more silence until Carlos broke it again, asking James to share more of what he remembered. James happily obliged and went to tell how he wore it at every important event in his life for good luck. Though he didn't remember why, he was, in a way, glad he could still remember more. Kendall came back in minutes later and was rather calm. But no one asked what happened. They were just so glad more of James' memories were coming back.

* * *

><p>"If you thought theirs were good, wait till you see mine!" Logan said, smiling wide. "Here!"<p>

James gathered the item in his good hand.

"A hockey stick?" James asked.

Logan merely nodded as he took a seat on one of the plastic chairs beside James' bed. Slowly James sat himself up using his right hand despite the tremendous pain in his right wrist since his left one was holding the hockey stick. Kendall immediately raced to assist his friend as soon as he saw the pained expression on his face. After some hissing by James and some concerned queries from Kendall, James is finally sitting against the headboard.

James slowly brought the hockey stick up and rested it horizontally in his thighs. _He played hockey? _he thought. Picking it up again, he grabbed the stick with both hands and turned to his side so that the stick was almost touching the floor in its vertical position.

Impersonating a hockey player, or so he thought, he made a determined expression and swiped the hockey stick as if scoring the net. His three friends chuckled as he began to goof off and making noises of the cheering crowd. Carlos was trying to hide his laughter but was failing miserably.

"Dude. You're holding it wrong!" He said in between laughter before snatching the hockey stick from James. "You put your right hand here, and your left hand here. And then you score like this!-" Unfortunately his demonstration had to be cut short as he hit James' ankle with all his might.

"Aaaaargh!" James bellowed as he lunged forward in an attempt to stop the pain.

Carlos shrunk back, dropping the stick before apologizing profusely. Hearing James crying out in such a pained voice only made him guiltier.

"Make it stop, make it stop! Please! M-make it s-stop!" He was being so hysterical that Carlos couldn't stand it anymore. Carlos looked down at his hands in guilt as he backed away slowly before dashing out the door. Kendall wasted no time and took off after the young Latino.

Logan was paralyzed in fear. He didn't understand how it would hurt since James' ankle had been in a cast, which meant that it was taped securely to something hard **(1)** to help it heal. Then how is it possible to hurt that bad? Logan is snapped out of his thoughts by James' wailing. There was still no way it could've hurt that bad. Unless... Logan gulped. Alarmed, Logan hit the call button.

Dr Falcon and a nurse barged into the room in a matter is minutes. With Dr Falcon and Logan holding him down, the nurse injected a sedative into James to prevent him from thrashing around. The sedative had immediate effect and soon James had dozed off. Logan had no choice but to leave so Dr Falcon could check on his friend.

* * *

><p>Carlos ran full speed through the corridors and out the hospital. He found the BTR mobile and and rested against it. He was crying and feeling so much guilt. He should've known better than to play with that hockey stick in a hospital room.<p>

He could hear distant footsteps and his name being called. The source got closer and closer and it didn't take a genius to figure out it was Kendall. Kendall stopped in front of him, bending down with his hands on his kneecaps as he panted, trying to catch his breath.

"Look, don't even think about giving me the it's-not-your-fault speech. I know you'll say that James will forgive me. But that's not what this is about." Carlos started, beating Kendall to it.

"Then what is it about?" Kendall panted.

"When James went crying like that, I just... I just didn't know what to do, okay? I've never... I've never seen him in so much pain. Of course I feel guilty! What if I worsen his condition?" Carlos replied, all traces of guilt evident in his voice.

"Look, you can either stay negative and have me give you that speech, or we can save the cheesy talk and just see if he's okay."

"You're right. I'm sorry. Let's go see how James is doing."

"That's the spirit." Kendall patted Carlos' back.

* * *

><p><em>No, no, no! It couldn't be! We were just starting to get him to remember! How could this go downhill in a matter of seconds? The only way he could've felt so much pain was if... No! It couldn't be! <em>

Logan was pacing back and forth in front of James' room with a hand on his chin, as if in deep thought.

"What happened?" Kendall asked as he and Carlos rushed towards Logan.

"When you left, James began thrashing around so the nurse injected him to calm him down. Then I had to leave so Dr Falcon could check on him," Logan explained before resuming his pacing.

"Then why are you worrying?" Carlos asked, innocent as ever.

"It's just... I didn't think it would hurt when he got hit. His ankle is in a cast, for goodness sake! It can't hurt!" Logan began to panic.

Kendall was about to calm his friend down when Dr Falcon came out of the room. All three boys didn't like the look on his face. Not one bit. Logan, expecting the worst, was beginning to worry even more.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news." He began.

Carlos' face dropped. Kendall was beyond shock to begin with. Logan was already praying that the extent of damage isn't as bad as he thought.

"Please, please don't be what I think it is. Please." He prayed repeatedly.

"The impact of the hit has broken his cast."

At long last, Logan broke down.

* * *

><p><strong>(1) I forgot what it's called. But yeah, it's hard and strong so it helps the bone to heal properly and in shape.<strong>

**Yup. Logan guessed correctly, Carlos broke James' cast. Poor James. He was just beginning to get better. Oh, and I've decided to add in Mrs Knight, Katie, Mrs Diamond, Gustavo and Kelly. You'll probably see them in the next chapter. **

**Again, sorry for not updating so soon.**

**Review...?**

**xoxo, Sasha.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Well, if you read the announcement in the last chapter, you'll know why I haven't updated. Good news is, I WILL continue this story. But the other story is still in progress. So don't expect it to come out anytime soon. I'm pretty sure I lost some of my CRWIF readers, though. **I would be grateful if you even READ this chapter.** :(**

**So anyway, shoutouts to those who reviewed!**

Elevate  
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**LOVE YOU GUYS! *insert heart shape here***

**As of this chapter, everything is made up, unless I say so. I don't know how Retrograde Amnesia is supposed to heal and I REALLY don't know a lot of medical stuff. And I mean A LOT. Like A LOT a lot.**

**Disclaimer: Me no own Big Time Rush.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Mrs Knight and Katie were loading their rental car when something occurred to the former. Kendall hadn't called her the entire time she had been in Minnesota. Sure, she had promised the boys not to call to check up on them but the fact that Kendall hadn't called her made her feel so uncomfortable. What if something happened?<p>

"Katie, did Kendall or the boys ever call while we were here?"

"Now that you mentioned it, no." Katie shrugged.

"Don't you find it weird that he didn't call at all?"

"Mom, I'm sure everything's fine. They probably broke their phones again. You know how rough they can get." Katie dismissed the matter.

Mrs Knight was still not convinced. She knew better than to break her promise but she can't fight off her motherly instincts telling her something's _wrong_. Sighing, she took out her phone, gripping it tight, still hesitating. _I'm sorry Kendall but I'm too worried_ she inwardly she could even dial the number, it rang. Startled, she picked it up and shakily greeted the caller.

"Mom?" Said the person on the other end of the call.

She instantly recognized the voice as her son's. He sounded pretty shaken. Instantly, Mrs Knight tensed up.

"Something happened."

* * *

><p>Dr Falcon had to refrain from looking at a weeping Logan. He felt so bad for these boys. It's times like these that he wished he wasn't a doctor. He may have been a doctor for almost a decade, but breaking bad news to the relatives of his patients was <em>never<em> easy. He brought up his thumb and index finger to rub the bridge of his nose, trying his best to think of something to say. Something _helpful._

"But he's fine right?" Kendall asked worriedly, catching him off-guard.

Dr Falcon saw the desperation in Kendall's green irises and let out a long sigh.

"We can't say much until we do an X-ray to check. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to perform an X-ray on your friend." He announced before making his way to the X-ray room with two nurses wheeling James in tow.

Kendall, Carlos and Logan hadn't even realized the nurses had entered James' room. Kendall looked to his friends to see them sliding down the wall and sobbing; Carlos out of guilt and Logan out of shock.

"I did this to him," Carlos muttered.

"Why do I _always_ have to be right?" Logan uttered.

"Guys come on, we can't do this. James is a fighter. Like Logan once told me," Kendall paused, turning to Logan. "Things happen for a reason. There could be a blessing in disguise for all of this. Now, let's stay strong for James. We can do it!"

Both Carlos and Logan shared a look before Logan spoke up.

"Well I'm not convinced till I hear that James is okay."

"Me too." Carlos agreed weakly.

Kendall, unsatisfied, mini-scoffed before joining his friends on the floor.

"So, I called my mom," Kendall said awkwardly, trying to change the subject.

"What did she say?" Carlos asked, suddenly quite interested.

"Well, I told her about the fight and that James left the apartment. She sounded really disappointed and shocked. I also told her about how we found James in that alley and his eight-day coma." Kendall trailed off.

"And?"

"Well, she started crying and asked how he's doing. So I told her about his condition and that was when she lost it."

"What about Mrs Diamond?"

"My mom said she would tell her herself. She would probably take it easier coming from my mom."

"So when is she coming back from taking care of your Aunt Linda in Minnesota?"

"She said she's on her way."

"Oh." Carlos brought his knees up to his chest and rested his head.

* * *

><p>Brooke set her luggage down and adjusted her business suit before knocking on the door of apartment 2J. She is so excited to see her son again. She finally got off her busy schedule and had decided to surprise her son. She knocked once again, having no answer on her first try.<p>

No answer.

_That's odd,_ She thought. _Shouldn't at least Jen be at home? Or Katie?_

She was about to knock again when her phone rang. She was baffled when she read the caller ID. Answering the phone call, she was greeted by crying noises.

"Hello?" She tried.

"Brooke," Mrs Knight sniffed.

"Is everything okay?" Brooke asked, worried evident in her voice.

"I-It's James"

"What happened to him? Is he okay? Where is he? Let me speak to him! Let me-" Mrs Diamond began rambling, only to be cut off by Mrs Knight.

"He's-He's in the hospital. The boys f-found him in an alley and i-immediately brought him to the h-hospital." She choked.

"My baby..." Mrs Diamond uttered in disbelief. "Do they have any news on him?"

"H-he fell into a coma and woke up two days ago. They're now doing an X-ray on him. That's all I know. I'm so sorry."Mrs Knight finished, holding back a sob.

"Where were you when all this happened?"

"M-me and Katie were back in Minnesota taking care of my sister. I-I'm so sorry Brooke."

"WHAT? You left the boys alone without supervision and went back to Minnesota and you didn't even tell me or any of their parents for that matter?"

"I-I'm sor-" Mrs Diamond hung up.

She gripped her cell phone in her hand until her knuckles turned white. She was not angry, neither was she furious. No, she was _beyond _that. How could Jen crush her trust like that? She knew it. She knew she shouldn't have put James under her care. Look what happened. Frustrated, she kicked the door of the apartment and yelled to vent out her anger.

Then a thought occurred to her. She had to visit her son. Why didn't she ask which hospital they were in? No matter, they were probably in the nearest hospital. With that, she set off, leaving her suitcases at the front of apartment 2J.

* * *

><p>Dr Falcon made his way over to the group of three teenagers in front of his patient's room, the X-ray results in hand. At the sight of the middle-aged doctor, the said teenagers hastily got up and crowded around him.<p>

"Well?" The three of them said in unison.

Dr Falcon looked down at the brown envelope in his hand. Slowly, he opened the flap and took out a piece of paper.

"I've printed out the X-ray," he began, showing them the piece of paper. "And it looks like his ankle is fine." He finished with a smile.

The three boys let out breaths they didn't even knew they were holding. Kendall silently thanked the heavens once again. James truly deserved all the miracles he was getting. Logan was so glad his friend is okay. Carlos.. well Carlos was a different story. Carlos was _more_ than relieved, since he _was_ the one who caused this. However, one thing bothered him. What could have caused James to scream in so much pain?

"Then why was he thrashing in pain?" Kendall asked, having automatically read Carlos' mind.

"Oh, that. Well, his pain-killers must have stopped working and he must have somehow hit his ankle. Which reminds me; what happened?" Dr Falcon explained before curiosity got to him.

"Well... I kinda a-accidentally hit him... with... a hockey stick... But I didn't mean it! I swear!" Carlos admitted.

"Okay... We have replaced his cast and he is now resting in his room. You may visit him now. I'll come back later to check on him." Dr Falcon said before leaving but turned around one last time, eying Carlos. "And boys, try not to bring any hockey sticks in again."

* * *

><p>James woke up to see his three friends and his mom quietly watching the television in his room. Wait, his mom? She's here? And he <em>remembered <em>her? Wow. He broke the silence by faking a yawn, which effectively caught their attention. Carlos and his mom both came racing to his bed, arms wide open, ready for a big, welcoming bear hug. Carlos climbed onto James' bed and enveloped his injured friend in the tightest Carlos Hug he had ever given while his mom joined in from the side.

"Whoa, Carlos, mom, it's good to see you guys too!" He breathed.

Carlos instantly released his grip and two gasps sounded from behind him. Kendall and Logan then appeared beside him. Carlos squealed excitedly as if he was marrying a corndog.

"You remember us!" He shouted.

"Do you remember us?" Kendall asked worriedly.

"Yes, I do! I really do!" James couldn't believe his own words.

His mom had begun crying and enveloped him in yet another hug, wailing how she had missed him. James awkwardly hugged back, rubbing circles in her back as he hid his face in her shoulder, smiling. Mrs Diamond cried her eyes out as she gripped her son as tightly as ever, feeling her son gripping back just as tight. She wasn't crying because she was sad or happy, she was crying because she was sad _and _happy. Sad that her son had been injured under the care of her friend, happy that her son was okay. She continued to hug him and cried until there were no more tears to shed, all the while having her son right there to comfort her. Feeling his arms around her was the best feeling and was easily one of the things that made her calm down.

James hugged his mom back as tightly as he could with his right arm being in a cast. He saw the look of guilt in his friends eyes for a split second before he hid his face in his mom's shoulder. He was happy to see her again. To _feel_ her again. He gently took in in the woman's scent, taking in the sweet smell of lavender and and some other mixed scent. He heard his mom's soft cries from behind him and started to soothe her by rubbing circles on her back. He was glad to see her again.

The duo stayed like that for a few more minutes before finally pulling apart. They began chatting away, completely trying to avoid any sensitive issues that might bring certain people to tears. They talked and laughed and joked and laughed till they cried until it was time for the visitors to leave. They said their goodbyes and slowly shuffled out of the room, smiles on their faces. Kendall was the last one out the door and took one last look at his friend before closing the door. He was glad that everything was going well once again. Of course, he had no idea how _wrong_ he was...

* * *

><p>Mrs Knight gripped the steering wheel hard as she set her eyes focused on the road, nervous, impatient and definitely <em>afraid. <em>Her knuckles were so white it was humanly impossible. She kept within the speed limit as she hurriedly made her way back to the Palmwoods. She had been on the road for an _entire_ day, stopping occasionally for toilet breaks and gas. She was merely past halfway there, currently in Casper. How she regretted not buying a plane ticket instead. She glanced over at a sleeping Katie, pondering about what is going on with her son and his friends... and Brooke. Brooke. Her heart skipped a beat when that name came in her mind. That poor woman would most definitely be furious with her right now. She didn't even know what to think of it.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by a honk, signaling that she had been driving out of her lane. Drawing in a sharp breath, she pulled over to calm herself down before she caused some sort of accident. Kendall did not need to lose his family as well. She ran a hand through her auburn hair and she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

She looked out her windows and saw that it was already dark, glancing at her watch only to confirm that it was 9:12pm. Deciding it was too late for her to drive and seeing how her body was screaming in protest, she went ahead to look for a motel to crash in.

* * *

><p>The room lit up once in while as lightning flashed through the sky, lighting up the night. James lied in bed, staring into the ceiling as he waited for sleep to overcome him. But it didn't. Ten minutes turned to twenty, then thirty, then an hour but still nothing. Another hour passed and it was slightly passed midnight. No matter how much James forced his eyes shut, he just <em>couldn't <em>sleep. Every time his lids closed those images came into view. And that scared him.

The thunder roaring above him and the lightning flashing in the sky didn't exactly help either. In fact, it only made him feel worse. Against his will, the images popped into his brain once again. A red car. Tires screeching. Blonde hair. Wait, why did those locks of dirty blonde hair look _so _familiar?

Could it be? Could it really be that Kendall was the driver of that car? It couldn't. Could it? That car. It looked too familiar. A convertible. Was that what happened to him? Was he run over by a car? James was tired questioning. He needed answers.

The images were just flashing into his mind beyond his control and he _hated _it. He hated how he couldn't do anything to stop it. For god sakes, it was his mind! His own freaking mind! How could he not be able to control it?

He couldn't take it anymore. The images, the thunder, the lightning. It was all too much for him. All this together at once was causing immense pain in his head. He winced trying to keep his breathing under control while he waited for the pain to slowly subside. The daggers pounding in his skull continued for what seemed like an eternity and it was all James could do from going insane with all the pain he was experiencing.

He was biting his lip to the point it drew blood as he kept himself together and tried not to scream or emit any other sounds aside small whimpers. Finally, the pain died down and all of that internal screaming exhausted him. James drew in long, shaky breaths as he recomposed himself before settling comfortably into his pillow. In a matter of minutes, he was sound asleep.

A pair of lips smirked in the dark as the owner watched the helpless brunette suffered in pain. That was just the beginning. The rise and fall of his chest was mocking him, signaling that the teen was very much alive. And that will not do.

* * *

><p><strong>All the long wait for a (sorta) crappy chapter. I'm so sorry guys. With school, training and emotional problems I've been so distracted. Hope this chapter was okay. As for my other story, I've come up with a title, called Birthday Bash. Like I said, it's still in progress though. I'm rearranging the plot.<strong>

**Anywho, how was this chapter? To be completely honest with you, I kinda liked it. especially the part where Brooke and James reunited. *insert heart*. Also, I have NO IDEA *See what I did there?* where I'm going with this story so feel free to drop in any suggestions! **

**Oh, and sorry for any errors! I'm too tired to check.**

**Reviews are the Big to my Time Rush! Lol that was lame.**

**xoxo, Sasha.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Yay! I posted Birthday Bash! XD I don't know why but I'm getting super excited and I'm typing like mad here.. Anyways, shoutouts to those who reviewed!**

PizzaTop21(HUGE SHOUTOUT to you for sticking with this story from the start!)  
>Elevate (I swear this girl is awesome-sauce and she also stuck with this story from the start!)<br>TonyJamesReidFan  
>cashyfan<br>MissGleekKoleTigerBabe  
>Alley Petifier (HUGE SHOUTOUT to you too for sticking with this story from the start!)<br>TsukiyoKobayashi98  
>CountryPeach05 (HUGE SHOUTOUT to you for sticking from the start too!)<p>

**And also to those who have favourited and/or follow this story! Love you guys so much!**

**Sorry if I got any pen names wrong.. **

**I know I just added more baggage on me by posting Birthday Bash but I couldn't help it. X)**

**And one more thing: I changed my pen name! I just didn't like the last one anymore...**

**Disclaimer: Big Time Rush would be running around shirtless if I owned them. But since they're not doing that, it means I don't own them. Are we clear? K? K.**

* * *

><p>Katie looked up at her mother as the woman hastily packed their last few items as they got ready to leave the motel to head for the road again from her sitting position. Something about her was <em>off. <em>The way she packed was like she was... _depressed._

She understood that they were in a hurry to go see her brother and his friend but what she didn't understand was why it was such a big deal that they got there so fast. The boys have been inured so many times before playing hockey, breaking their bones even. So why was this time any different?

"Mom, why are you like this?" Katie inquired, her mocha orbs shining with innocence. "Mom? Mom!" She called again, watching as her mother packed item after item, going all around the room, oblivious to her question, possibly her existence even.

Suddenly Mrs Knight seemed to snap out of a trance and emitted a small sigh, signaling her attention. Katie tried again, this time, making sure her mother was paying attention. But she didn't get any form of reply from the said woman. Katie began to feel suspicious.

"You know something, don't you?" She asked firmly.

Mrs Knight paused and spun around to look at her daughter. Katie looked directly into those brown eyes and saw the sadness in them. They no longer contained the warm and caring joy they used to. That right there, confirmed Katie's suspicion.

"Don't you?" Katie asked again.

"I told Mrs Diamond." Mrs Knight replied simply.

"And? She didn't take it very well, did she?"

Mrs Knight shook her head as she continued packing, slowly.

"What did she do?"

"She hung up on me."

Katie nodded in understanding. Not wanting to make her mother feel worse, she got up from the bd and started helping her out. She couldn't help but wonder what chaos awaits their arrival in LA.

* * *

><p>The night went by fairly quickly for the residents and guest of Apartment 2J. Mrs Diamond woke up from her beauty rest and went straight to the bathroom, worried about her appearance. Kendall saw the woman heading straight to the bathroom and couldn't help but chuckle. <em>Like mother like son...<em>

It took a while, but one by one they took their showers and got ready for another visit to James's hospital room. They were all silently eating their breakfast when Logan spoke up.

"Mrs D, you sure you're okay? You've been quiet since yesterday-"

"Yeah, the only time you talked was when James was awake." Carlos interrupted.

Mrs Diamond put her utensil down and looked up at the boys. She was a bit taken aback to see Kendall still eating quietly.

"Just tell me," She began calmly. "What happened that night."

"It was my fault, Mrs Diamond. I didn't mean to. I really didn't" Kendall rambled.

"What happened." She stated sternly, stressing on each word.

"We had a little... falling out. He left the apartment right after that and I left a few minutes to look for him. I couldn't find him and they-" he pointed to Carlos and Logan "-told me he hadn't come home. So I got back and we decided to wait for him to return in the morning. But he never did. We went to look for him and then found him all beat up in an alley. That's pretty much all we know." Kendall finished.

Mrs Diamond showed no emotion. She looked down at her hands and began to speak.

"What was the fight about?" Mrs Diamond asked plainly.

Logan and Carlos turned to face a fidgeting Kendall. Both boys hadn't heard the full story of the fight, well from Kendall's point of view, at least. All they know was that both the tall teens stormed out of one of the bedrooms and argued in the middle of the living room.

Kendall remained silent, unsure of how to answer the question. He knew it was directed at him and he was the only one who could answer it since Logan and Carlos didn't know the full story of it. He was in the same position as Mrs Diamond, only he was playing with his fingers as he thought of what to say.

After a moment of silence, he finally spoke up.

"Well, I was in my room when James started complaining how I haven't been me during the past few weeks after my break up with... _Jo_." Kendall winced at how cracked his voice was on the last word.

Mrs Diamond felt for the poor boy. Dealing with break ups can be heard. She then started paying closer attention, shifting her attention to only Kendall. Said boy felt her eyes on him and this, all the more pressured him in choosing his next words.

"According to James, I have been pushing the guys away," Kendall said solemnly.

Mrs Diamond sensed how uncomfortable Kendall was with the topic. So she decided to drop and change the subject.

"It's okay, hun. You don't have to continue if you don't want to," she assured, her voice ever so soft.

Her warm blue eyes landed on sorrowful green orbs. She gave him a soft smile and they continued their breakfast.

* * *

><p>Logan smiled as he pushed his friend on a wheelchair. He hadn't been able to stop smiling ever since the doctor had told them that James was free to go. The boys were on their way to meet Mrs Diamond who was at the counter doing the paperwork to check James out.<p>

Kendall was happily chatting away with James and Logan as they walked the distance from the room to the exit. Carlos was slowly walking behind them, pouting since he couldn't push his best friend.

The group of boys headed for their car as soon as they met Mrs Diamond at the counter. They were all talking about a new sleeping arrangement to suit James' needs so that everything would be convenient for him. All their chit chat came to a sudden halt when a certain redhead and preteen entered the hospital in a haste.

The mothers stopped right in front of each other. The boys saw how Mrs Diamond's facial expression transit from happiness to anger in a matter of milliseconds. Her lips were forced tight in a frown nobody has ever seen before. Her eyes were staring daggers at the woman whom she once called trustworthy.

Mrs Knight was pale. Deathly pale. Dark and large bags collected below her eyes and it was obvious she hadn't been sleeping lately. Her eyes were so dazed and unfocused.

"When did _you_ get back?" Mrs Diamond spat, breaking the silence with every bit of venom dripping off her voice.

Kendall, Logan Carlos and especially James winced at the sudden harsh tone. Why was Mrs Diamond suddenly mad? Was there something that happened between the mothers that they didn't know about?

The boys looked at Katie for help. Her face was clear of all emotion. Her eyes were just as dull. All she did was look up every once in a while and return to looking back down.

"Brooke, please, can we talk? Just us? Please, Brooke." Mrs Knight begged.

Mrs Diamond just rolled her eyes. Reluctantly, she obliged. The mothers made their way to a more private corner as Katie and the boys slowly headed towards the car.

"What was that all about?" Carlos spoke up. All eyes landed on him and then they landed on Katie. The way she was fidgeting made everyone think she knew something.

Kendall spoke to his sister through their eye contact. Katie knew what he wanted even though it was a silent conversation. Caving in, she sighed.

"After you called, mom phoned Mrs Diamond to tell her about James," she started.

"What _about_ me?" Said boy sat ramrod straight in confusion.

"We found you in an alley. What happened to you is a mystery... since you can't remember..." Kendall explained, trailing off at the end.

James just nodded.

"Well yeah..." Katie agreed. "I don't think it went well..." Katie said after a pause.

By now, they had reached the BTR Mobile. Mindful of James' leg and arm condition, they gingerly assisted him into the car. Aside a few hisses, James made it into the car with minimal pain.

Linebreak

Mrs Knight shakily walked towards the corner of the hospital lobby with Mrs Diamond in tow.

"What is there to talk about, Jen? Huh? You betrayed my trust! That is as simple as it is!" Mrs Diamond hissed.

"Look, I didn't mean to do this, okay? My niece called in..." Mrs Knight trailed off, choking back a sob.

This somehow caught Mrs Diamond's attention.

"Linda got sick. I had to take care of her. Please Brooke, you have to understand."

Mrs Knight looked into her friend's eyes. She was waiting for the latter's reply. Anything.

Mrs Diamond's heart softened. Perhaps she may have been a little too hard on her friend. It surely must have been such an emergency for Mrs Knight to just leave the boys like that. Surely she herself might have done something similar to that had she been in Mrs Knight's shoes.

"Brooke?" Mrs Knight took one of her friend's hands in hers and gripped it tight. "Please Brooke... Please forgive me."

Mrs Diamond just stared down at her friend. The grip on her hand  
>tightened. It was heart wrenching to watch her long-time friend sob like that but she was at a loss as to what to do<p>

"Jen," she sighed, placing her free hand atop the two that were gripping hers. "It's okay." She smiled.

* * *

><p><strong>Eh, not my best work. : And sorry for the short chapter. Been sick all week. :(**

**Sorry for any mistakes!**

**... Review..?**

**Xoxo, Sasha. **


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm back! :D**

**I missed you guys! Haha, to be completely honest with you guys, your reviews really do make my day! Long or short, I'm happy you're enjoying what I enjoy doing. And I really _do _read your reviews more than twice, sometimes to get me through a rough day. So thanks a ton!** **Anyways, shoutouts? Of course!**

Elevate  
>PizzaTop21<br>Alley Petifier  
>TsukiyoKobayashi98<br>CountryPeach05

**Love you guys!  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: Let's just say that if I** _**did **_**own the boys, they will no longer be mentally stable, especially James. So no, I don't own them.**

* * *

><p>James stared at the ceiling of his room, slowly recognizing the vaguely familiar cracks on it as he waited for sleep. Taking a slow glance around the room, he slowly recognized the setting of it. From his point of view on the bed, he made out the poorly lit silhouette of his closet in the far corner of the room, next to what seemed like a wall mirror. He saw the door which led to a bathroom and part of the shiny outline of a porcelain sink. His gaze shifted to a much smaller closet, one of it's doors slightly ajar due to the messy amount of clothes it contained. Bits of clothing were sticking out of different directions. Three shelves drilled into the wall lined vertically beside it, the bottom two containing books of many sizes while the last one had multiple awards and medals that were slightly dusty.<p>

"James..?" Said boy jerked when he was startled out of his thoughts.

"You awake?" Came the soft and innocent voice he was beginning to get accustomed to.

James made a slight noise to signal his attention.

"How are you doing? Does anything hurt? Do you need anything?"

"Mom," he whined. "I'm fine, I promise."

"You don't _sound_ like you're fine."

"I'm just tired, okay." James said dismissively.

Brooke didn't push her son. She knew how frustrating it was to be in his position. Instead, she just stared at his silhouette. James, sensing something was wrong, lifted his head at a forty-five degree angle and cocked his head in his mother's direction, a little over confused.

"Mom? You okay?"

"I'm fine, James, really." Brooke stared ahead and into the ceiling above her. "Now go get some sleep. You sound tired."

As if to prove his mother's point, James let out a loud yawn as he stretched his good hand.

"Guess I am. Night, mom." James smiled.

Brooke got up and went over to her son's bed. She stood over him and gently caressed his cheek. Smiling softly in the moonlight, James grabbed her hand and chuckled lightly, giving it a gentle but firm squeeze.

"I miss those nights when you'd tuck me in." He smiled.

"And giving you a kiss?" She asked playfully before giving a peck on his cheek.

"That too," he giggled.

Brooke ruffled his hair, smiling mostly at the thought of him remembering more of the past.

* * *

><p>Everybody except for James sat at the dining table for breakfast. The mothers no longer had the tension between them and everybody else tried to avoid any awkward silences. After helping his mom out with the dishes, Kendall offered to bring James some breakfast.<p>

Two pieces of toast on his favourite plate and chocolate milk in his customized cup. Kendall topped it off with a pancake, just in case James was hungry, since he refused to eat last night.

Kendall slowly made his way to the bedroom, opening the door as quietly as possible so as to not awake his friend, just in case he was asleep. He cringed at the tiniest squeak of the door hinge, worried he might have caused too much noise.

"Morning Kendall," James greeted sleepily as he slowly tried sitting himself up.

Kendall left the tray of food he was holding on a random surface in the room and dashed to assist his friend. Kendall held James' injured arm by the shoulder and lifted him up. He fluffed the pillow below his friend and did anything necessary to make him comfortable. James thanked him gratefully while he went to fetch the neglected tray.

"No problem," he sat the tray down on James' thighs. "Eat up."

Kendall took a seat on his bed, the one James' mom had slept in last night, supporting his upper body weight on two hands by either sides, and watched as James took a big bite of the toast, smiling that his friend was eating.

As James ate, they talked. Kendall asked if James had remembered anything else and was pleased when James said he recognized the crib. Kendall told him more stories of his past in hopes of James remembering more.

"Enough talk about me, what about you guys? Tell me about Carlos and Logan," James said after swallowing a bite of the pancake. "And you too." He pointed with his fork.

"Well okay, let's see..." Kendall rubbed his palms together.

"The four of us are in band. We're called Big Time Rush. Logan's the genius, Carlos is the crazy one and I guess I'm the leader."

James nodded.

"What else do you wanna know?"

"Any of us got girlfriends?" James joked.

Kendall froze. He didn't know what to say. The question completely knocked him off-guard. Suddenly, the flooring of their bedroom seemed so interesting.

"Dude, you alright?" James' joking tone took on a serious one when his friend didn't respond.

"I-I'm fine." The words left Kendall's mouth without him even knowing.

Kendall gulped as he kept his composure, refusing to let any tears even form in his eyes. He was trying his best to remain insensitive about the question but was evidently failing badly.

"Seriously, what's wro- Oh!" James gasped when it all came back to him. "Kendall, I'm so sorry, I didn't know! I-I'm so sorry!" The plethora of apologies just gushed out of his lips.

Kendall looked up at a guilty James with his eyes shining with tears threatening to flow down his cheeks. He bit both his lips to prevent himself from sobbing and tried to blink the tears away.

Big mistake.

The first tear of many to come flowed down his left cheek. Embarrassed, he covered his face with both his palms and got up to leave, ignoring the calls of protest from James and the tray of food altogether.

* * *

><p>"Kendall!" James called out for the final time, only to have the door of his room slammed in reply.<p>

He let out an exasperated sigh. His mind went back to the glimpse look of hurt he saw on Kendall's facial features before he left. How he wished he hadn't asked. He knew he wasn't to blame for asking but he still felt guilty. Out of all the other questions he could've asked, he _had_ to be a turd and ask that particular one.

He had to fix this. But how? He couldn't just get out of bed and go find Kendall...

Or could he?

Slowly, he lifted the tray of food and placed it on his bed. He gulped as he thought about what he is going to attempt. He swung his legs to the side of the bed and gently placed his good leg on the floor. Placing his good arm by his side for balance, he pushed himself up with all the energy he had in him.

Miraculously, he managed to stand up, landing on his good leg. But that moment of victory vanished in a split second as he lost his balance and toppled to the side. He held out both his hands instinctively to break his fall, momentarily forgetting his left arm was injured.

And he had to pay for his carelessness when he landed square on his left side. He yelled out in pain just as Logan pushed open the door of his room.

"James!" Logan rushed in and quickly laid said boy on his back.

He thoroughly inspected his injured friend, especially his casts to make sure he didn't break them…

Again.

"James, what happened?" Logan asked as he took a thorough look at his friend's limbs.

"I... fell," he hissed as Logan helped him back onto his bed.

"Did you try getting out of bed?" Logan asked in all seriousness, not bothering to even try sugarcoatthings.

"Do you know where Kendall is?" James blurted.

"Actually, that's why I'm in here. Kendall fled the apartment after he brought you breakfast. I was kind of wondering what happened so I decided to ask you." Logan explained.

James' face fell. There was no way of talking to Kendall now. Calling him would be out of the question. James remembered how ignorant Kendall was when he was mad. James mentally sighed at the thought of having to wait till Kendall cooled down.

Logan looked deep into James' hazel irises and with that one look he knew something major had happened between the two of his friends. James looked to be in deep thought. Should he ask what happened? Here goes...

"James, what happened?" James flinched at Logan's sudden touch on his shoulder.

"We were just talking... then I said some... things... that made him upset.." he trailed off.

"What kind of things?" Logan asked gently, not trying to really push his injured friend.

"I asked if any of us had girlfriends... I didn't mean it I swear!" James panicked.

Logan gave his friend a sad smile and asked his final inquiry. "How did he react?"

"He didn't." James replied as he stared at the door.

Logan looked at him, puzzled. He waited for James to explain himself.

"He just... _didn't._ I asked him if he was okay and he started stuttering he was fine..."

James shook his head.

"Then I remembered why... I remembered his break up with Jo. I-I remember how he cried and locked himself up for weeks!"

James turned to face a stunned Logan.

"God, how could I've been so stupid! Out of all the other questions I could have asked... I-I... I'm sorry, I'm so _so_ sorry!"

And with that, he broke down, his head going completely limp on Logan's shoulder. Logan immediately embraced him and rubbed soothing circles in his back. James just sat there and cried. He clung onto Logan for dear life, grabbing a fistful of his shirt as he sobbed. Each sob made his grip tighter, until finally his knuckles were in shades of the palest skin colour possible.

Logan murmured into his ear to calm him down, something along the lines of this not being his fault. He also reminded him to breathe properly to prevent him from getting too caught up in crying.

They sat there, embracing each other, one crying and one comforting.

Unbeknownst to the duo, _he_ was back. _He_ smiled as he realized how lucky he had been. First a fight with his friend, then the accident and now this. Luck was on his side. He never planned for James to get in the fight with Kendall, or for James to get enough brain damage to suffer Retrograde Amnesia, or even to emotionally break down.

But he did.

And that was all that mattered.

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><p><strong>Kinda short. But it's all part of the plan. :)<strong>

**Hope you enjoyed it! I had a little fun writing the Jagan bromance, since it's my favourite pairing.**

**This chapter took me a lot. Like seriously, I had so many drafts of this. That, and Miss Gill-Carew killed me so many times I've lost count.**

**Sorry for any mistakes cos I'm so dizzy I don't feel like checking. Review pretty please? **

**Xoxo, Sasha **


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay before you guys can launch your tomatoes and whatnot at me for not updating, let me give some shoutouts to those who reviewed.**

RushingRusher  
>Aoiyou<br>bigtimecrazy123  
>Alley Petifier<br>Elevate  
>PizzaTop21<br>ElevatedSuperstar  
>jamesmaslowlover<br>callthedoc-tor

**Thanks so much for your kind words! -heart-**

**I'm done.**

**Fire at will!**

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><p>Katie looked into every corner and even resorted to taking the stairs in search of her brother. She had searched through every storey, the Palmwoods Park and even in the cabanas by the pool but still nothing. She asked everyone she saw but nobody had seen where her brother had gone to. Letting out a long and dreaded sigh, she plopped down into one of the couches in the lobby.<p>

"Have a Palmwoods day!" She heard Mr Bitters greet.

Looking up, she saw a tall– and rather dashing, she might add– blonde making his way toward the elevators with a suitcase in hand. She was rather amazed by how much the man resembled her brother from behind. His hair was styled the same way and he looked pretty lanky and pale. He looked pretty friendly, but the tattoo on his right shoulder blade that peeked around his tank top told her otherwise. Katie knew better than to judge someone without getting to know them first, but she would be lying if she said this guy didn't give her the bad vibes.

Shrugging it off, she thought about what she should do next. Just then, a breathless Carlos appeared beside her, hands supporting his upper body weight on both knees. Apparently, she hadn't been the only one searching for Kendall without luck. His face was contorted in agony as he tried to regain his breathing. He slowed down his pants as he straightened up, checking if Katie had gotten any luck.

When Katie nodded her head no, his instant reaction was to puff his cheeks and huff. Katie's face lightened up a little as she reached for his arm in a reassuring gesture. Her eyes widened as she thought of one last place: the roof.

Both of them had never been there, but considering their time back in Minnesota, Kendall always sat on the roof of his house when he was too worked up.

The duo made a beeline for the roof, opting for the stairs to get there faster in all their haste. When they got up there, Carlos was already panting for the second time that day. Katie walked onto the roof of the building with a little more energy in her. She scanned the vast area but found nothing. Carlos came behind her slowly, his footsteps nearly unheard, catching Katie off-guard.

"Did you hear that?" His voice was a little scratchy.

The two of them strained their ears and took little steps to venture the empty floor. Carlos heard the noise again and pointed to its general direction. They made their way over and each of their heart constricted painfully at the sight that greeted them.

Bloody fists were pounding against the concrete wall, painting it with little splatters of scarlet. The sound of flesh against cement and the cries of frustration were all too painful to take in. Kendall made one final blow before noticing the two shocked figures of his family members.

"Get outta here!" He had bellowed before he could even process the thought of being angry at Katie and Carlos.

Katie winced at her brother's tone. She took one small and hesitant step forward, little tremors wrecking her frame. Kendall protested but made no move to stop it. She slowly and very timidly made her way to her brother and engulfed him in a heartwarming and bone-crushing hug. Kendall tried shaking the preteen off his torso but to no avail. Her embrace was too strong and he was weakened by the sobs that soon followed.

As he watched Kendall break down like that right in front of him, Carlos held his own tears at bay. He made his way over to the Knights as Katie finally made a move to unlock her arms around her brother.

"It's all her fault." Kendall hissed, the pain from his earlier actions finally getting to him.

Neither Katie nor Carlos questioned what Kendall meant, being much more concerned about the scraped flesh and possible broken bones on both fists. Katie texted Logan to inform him that Kendall was found while Carlos brought a protesting Kendall to the car. One can only wonder what more could the group of teens go through next.

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><p>Katie and Carlos entered the apartment with Kendall faced down. Logan got up from his position on the couch only to find Kendall's hands in braces. He let out a small gasp as he asked what had happened. Kendall made a move to go to his room but was forced onto the couch.<p>

Logan demanded the entire story but none of them spoke. Kendall had his neck bent forward, his head and bangs hanging from the effects of gravity. Katie and Carlos each shifted in their sitting positions, either waiting for the other to speak up or for Kendall to explain himself. Logan asked again, his voice dropping several notches as he reminded himself that James was asleep. He looked straight at Kendall, eyes boring deep into his non-reacting friend. He was thankful for that or else he would've missed the low growl that escaped the blonde's lips.

"It's her fault," Kendall looked up and swallowed.

That effectively got Carlos' and Katie's attention. Both of them thought back to their time on the roof. Kendall had said the same thing. But what had he been implying? Logan had voiced out their thoughts sooner than they had planned.

"J-Jo." He replied shakily. "It's all her fault. She shouldn't have left. None of this would've happened if she hadn't left! I hate her! That-"

Logan cut him off before he let out any unnecessary words or woke up their slumbering friend. He offered Kendall to calm down as he rubbed soothing circles on said boy's back. Carlos slipped away from the group and made his way to his room. He needed to take a breather. As he got closer to his room, something was telling him to take a few more steps and enter James' room. He took the risk of following his instincts, stopping just in front of the door to James' room.

Fingers ready to twist open the door knob, a weird sound froze him momentarily. It sounded like rapid movement. And the sound of wood on cement. This didn't sound good. With one swift motion the door was opened and Carlos was making his way into the room. He wasn't greeted with the best sight.

James was thrashing around in his bed, one hand choking himself. A layer of sweat covered him from head to toe, effectively matting his hair down. His legs, both with and without the cast, were kicking about in every direction. Carlos had to dodge a few of his kicks before he could peel James' own hand from his throat. The moment his hand was removed, James' eyes popped open as he took in a large gasp.

James ripped his hand away from Carlos' grasp and pushed the boy away from him in the process. He yelled at Carlos to get away from him, whose lips quivered in return. James got up and curled himself in the corner of the bed when Carlos took a step forward. He kept saying no to Carlos, who tiptoed as subtly as he could towards his distraught friend. Carlos called out gently to his quivering bandmate. Said boy just cowered himself away.

At this point, Carlos' tears were gushing down his cheeks. Not wanting to scare James anymore, Carlos backtracked his steps. He silently wished Logan was here with him. Carlos stopped when he was at the door, eyes never leaving James' sobbing form.

Then, something sparked in him.

He could do this. He could handle it. He didn't need Logan to calm James down. He could do it all by himself.

Right?

Deciding he had contemplated enough, Carlos mustered up some new-found courage and made his way back to James' bed. James had his head in his arms, sobbing non-stop.

"James," his voice was soft, gentle, much like putting a baby to sleep. "I just want you to listen to me."

James' crying was slowing down, now. Carlos inwardly cheered to himself as he climbed onto the bed. Slowly, he placed an arm around James' back. When James flinched, so did Carlos but that only encouraged him to try again. On his second attempt, James was still. Carlos began rubbing circles onto his friend's back as he brought his other arm around James' waist, hugging him from the side.

"It's okay, it was just a dream. Everything's okay now. I'm right here, Carlos is right here. Nothing's gonna happen to you." Carlos cooed, bringing his head near James' and rocking their bodies reassuringly. "Kendall's back. Everything will be fine, I promise.

At that, James' head shot up. With puffy and red eyes, James asked if he could talk to Kendall. Carlos let go of James and adjusted his position on the bed such that he was facing the latter. He hesitantly told James to get some rest and that he could talk to Kendall later. James complied, repositioning himself on his bed as Carlos got off. Before leaving, Carlos made sure to sneak one last peek at the resting brunette before closing the door.

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><p>Kendall took a look at his brace. Great. Logan will be all over him for at least a month. He picked up a photographed frame of Jo. Should he cry? He didn't know. At the moment, he had mixed feelings about the blonde in the framed photograph. Maybe Logan is right. He really needed to get over Jo. He'd been told that countless of times. Why was this time any different?<p>

_"Think about those around you. Your longing for Jo not only affected you. It affected your family. It affected your friends. It affected your friendship with James. This needs to end, Kendall." Logan's words rang clearly through his mind._

But it seemed like everything he tried ended up coming down to nothing. No matter what he did to forget about her, Jo satyed on his mind. Perhaps he was letting this whole thing get to his head.

_"It's mind over matter, Kendall. The more you think about her the more she won't leave your head. Look around. You have us. Mom, Logan, James, Carlos, our friends at The Palmwoods. Me. We can help you, Kendall. It just takes time. Please, we really need you. We need you back, Big Brother." Katie had cried._

"I promise, Katie. I promise, I'm coming back." He vowed, moving to grab his cellphone. "It just takes time."

This will be a long phone conversation.

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><p><strong>HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I survived your tomatoes. Better luck next time!<strong>

**Xoxo, Sasha**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys.**

**So . . .I know I haven't updated in a long while but I'm sorry I can't continue this fic because of personal reasons. I also know that I told you guys that I won't delete this because I know how much you all love it, and yes, I'm keeping my promise –I ****_won't _****take this story down.**

**BUT**

**If there is anyone of you out there who feel like taking this fic over, let me know in a PM or a review. I don't mind sharing my intended plot with you. :) But yeah, I can't continue this fic anymore. The good news is that this story will still be here until it finds a new author. I will not take it down, because I promised that I wouldn't.**

**So until the new author arrives, I apologize deeply to all my readers who seemed to have had an interest to this story. **

**I love you all.**

**Xoxo,**

**Sasha.**


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